We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
