he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
