This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
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Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
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Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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