I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
