remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
