I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
