he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
