Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
