We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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