sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
