I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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