I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
