You work out of a Hotel?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
