Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
