Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
