I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
