I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
