So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
