So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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