If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
