I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
