Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
