did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
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A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
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Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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