so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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