God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
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She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
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