i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
