I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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