We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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