We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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