and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
