HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
