Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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