Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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