there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
