So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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