Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Is it because I queefed?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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