This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
