what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
