I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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