I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
