we should wear snuggies to the strip club
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
