I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
