I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
