Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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