Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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