You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
