I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
