i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
