He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
