alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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