I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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