Umm I'm too high to move.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
