drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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