Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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