Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
