If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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