She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
This toilet bowl is my home.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
