I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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