i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
