Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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