i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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