i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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