you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the jesus of drinking
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize