I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
