She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
