I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
do herpes really smell.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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