Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
