so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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