I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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