oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
