with your own penis?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
