Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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