it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i now understand why vodka
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
