Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
