LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
