my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
