There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
