you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm like, not good at living.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
