he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
