i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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