dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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