I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
