I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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